Got a couple of this weeks Rat tails to tell..Hope you enjoy..
I bought a truck load of home appliances that help keep your house cool a few weeks back..Just something I wanted to try. Now I have a bunch of these things and so far it has been a learning experience..it is working out pretty well up till the time a client who we will call Numbnuts calls..
Numbnuts:Hey this is Numbnuts the boy from Oklahoma that bought those things from you..
Rat: Oh Ya, I remember the accent..What's up???
Numbnuts: Well them things ain't working that good..
Rat: What do you mean?
Numbnuts: One will only cool to 77 and the other one to 80 and it's hot..
Rat: Shit man sounds like you got a couple of good one's..
Numbnuts:They worked better last week, it wasn't so hot..
Rat: Well maybe you didn't ride the short bus after all..it was 95 last week and it's 109 today..You figured it out now what I can I do for you??..
Numbnuts: I think I want my money back..
Rat: Well I missed the short bus didn't I..Now you used them for three weeks and was a happy camper and now you want your money back..welfare check gone??
Numbnuts: What the hell does a short bus and my welfare check have to do with it, I'm getting pissed..
Rat: Nothing Numbnuts just thinking out loud..So the units work but you want your money back..does this look like Macy's..do you have your receipt???
Numbnuts:I ain't got no receipt, you never made me one..
Rat: Sorry man no receipt no return,,now have a nice day..stay cool..
Numbnuts: Man it's hot what am I suppose to do??..
Rat: Try not getting so working up and diet would help..See ya..click..
The same afternoon me and the dirt one decide with the shovel shaking less we would ride up the hill and make sure our Indian brethren were still eating well and leave a donation..We stopped at Starbucks to have a frap, a smoke and cool down..After we got out heavenly iced wonders we headed out to the smoking area in the 109 degree sun..There was a truck club sitting in the lot..the first truck was about a 1978 bagged, primed pink Silvardo with the chick driving chewing ass on I guess her Husband or boyfriends..She was tough..we pulled up a table next to a couple of older school marm looking ladies and light up..Every time the chick would resume her rant they would sorta flinch. Then it happened..
The dirty one: Hey what do you think amigo she wears the pants in the family??
Rat: Not only do I think she wears the pants I would bet she has a pair of big hairy ones..
Then I heard a cough, a gag and something bounce across the next table..my first thought were I hope old blue isn't vapor locking..so I turn to look and see old blue with double white mocha, iced caramel latte gushing from her nose..She must have grabbed the bottom denture before the second bounce..Now this might be the first time any single person has completely caused to stop our banter in mid stride..wondering what the next step is..Blue was wiping her face off, she turns and say's that was some funny shit..LOL..the mad chick was starting to eyeball us so we headed up the hill..
Now we tried for two days to give the Indians our donations..They kept handing us money,,wtf is going on here..So when we roll home Friday night we decide the guilt is weighing on us heavily and we need to return this to the rightful owners..Early morning ride up the hill and back before lunch, broke but feeling like we did the right thing..
Well didn't change a thing we hit the tables around 8am and by 7pm we were still going and enjoying the company of a handful of riders from Reno..we ran dealers off at and alarming rate and around 10pm the dirty one says,,let's roll..
Well I have wrote about the canyon many time and the sound of the pipes as you twist the throttle back and roll..If there is a heaven it has to sound the same..we were wound out,,a pan and shovel in an evo world..as we come around the last bend there he sits..Mr.CHP and I swear the light were on before we passed his cruiser..we know the routine and were on the binders and off the road at the first good wide spot..
Mr.CHP: Evening guy's, know how fast you were going??
Rat:No sir my speedo lights broke..(Has been since 1988)
Dirty:'59 didn't have one when it came out..
He had got up close and sniffed us out, knew we hadn't been drinking..
Mr.CHP:Got your paper work??
Rat: I do but I don't know about that guy..pointing at dirty
Dirty: Oh man don't start picking on the Mexican OK..
Rat:Hey just starting facts..
Mr.CHP just looked over the paper work and handed it back,,good sign..
Mr.CHP: you know I heard you guy's from about 5 miles away..Straight pipes..
Dirty: You know what they say, straight pipes save lives..
Mr.CHP: They might I just put a set of shotguns on my Dyna..but not riding 85mph will help and those helmets don't look legal..
Rat: Define Legal by the vehicle code..
MR.CHP: I guess you have played this game before..
Rat: a few times..hey if it's good enough for the govenator it is good enough for me..
Dirty: Ya and I got a note from my Doctor the big helmets give me a headache..(He does too)
Mr.CHP: Alright guys ride safe and the speed limit..lot of drunks on this road tonight..
Thanks Mr.CHP..renewed faith in you guys..enjoy..
3 days ago