Thursday, February 28, 2013

Mormons and cigarette butts..

Mormons are a strange breed sort of moronic robotic in their quest for a few wives or money..Money of course is number most religions..praise the lord and pass the mighty dollar. .So in a quest for the truth it was discovered that they also loved big trucks..not the whoo hooo four wheel drive red neck toys but the big stuff..Peterbuilts and Freighshakers..ya I'm a Peterbuilt guy. .

So having fallen prey to the Mormons I'm sitting here in one of their houses of worship. not in church but the demonic money pit know as a terminal. .once your here it's as close to terminal as it gets..sitting here watching as the new robots are being trained to replace the burned out robots most of who make it two weeks in the quest to steal some Mormon gold..shits hard to get and well protected. .Again like most religions Mormons will rape your ass and tell ya God made them do it...I fire up a smoke..

Now Mormons hate cigarettes they feel its a Pentacostal evil brought on by big tobacco and they don't own any stocks in it..So I'm smoking my evils and enjoying some refreshing rays of my Sunshine and I toss the first evil butt out the window..We have a wonderful of smiles and bad jokes..punch lines. with little punch that still bring smiles. .and I tossed a bunch of evil as day turns to night I have my daily brain fart and that of course induces more emotions that lead to well more the morning breaks..I hear my Sunshines sweet morning whisper or just the joyful sound of being woke up from a blissful rest that brings joy and well a few more you guessed it butts..

As I'm brew up the second pot thinking of Sunshine and the wonderful smiles that await the day the truck parked in front of me moves..low and behold my I be struck by lightning a big sign not from God but close from the Mormons. .the biggest sign in the whole damn place..DO NOT THROW OUT CIGARETTE BUTTS..Now damn I open the door for the first time in hours and there lies a 3 foot high pile of yup butts..long ones and short ones...just stacked to the bottom step...damn its about daylight. .see not to be confused with Sunshine. ..what should I do..Now not wanting to break the rules or better put not wanting to get caught breaking the rules I do what needs to be done..put the truck in gear and move to the empty space in front of the sign. .Good Morning again Sunshine. ..Hugs. ...

Friday, February 22, 2013

A Long Time Sunshine. .

Never have I been so happy again my Sunshine pulled me from the fires of my own hell..never turning away and always standing firm beside even when I was weak..Things finally turned for the better we are sharing sometime..enjoying the twinkle in her eyes..A year of nothing but work and time to enjoy..Friday while she was slaving I went hunting..time for a ring..never knew there were so many..the colors..found a beautiful orange 3 carat stone..ouch but worth every penny..
Went for a steak..Did it the way you should in a crowd of people on one knee..Sunshine will you marry me..To my hearts delight she said yes..Time to plan a future we dreamed of laying in bed that night not talking just staring deeply into her eyes I knew I had the only girl of my dreams..we dreamed together of a wedding. .of a honeymoon..of a big pink champagne cake with a scooter on top..decided on a ride and a new ride to do it on..its only money..and honey your worth every dime..We set the date..March 23 hope I can wait a month..
Saturday morning off to the Harley shop..Road King..a queen needs a comfortable carriage. .Black of course they didn't have one but Vern who owned the shop had an idea..we sat down and built in on March 18th..Hey Vern let me ask you a question..What do you think about letting get hitched right here in the middle of your shop. .Big smile on his face. .hell yes lets do it..Happy Monkey man...damn Sunshine lets plan the trip..Need to find a place in California to..Kansas is nice. .LOL...
Been all over this big country over the last year..Living in my truck and running my ass off..about 140,000 miles worth and 46 states saw some shit and saw some beautiful country..gonna take a month and show her true beauty. .Gonna roll from Kansas if the weathers good run the 70 through Vail and the Backdoor to Utah. .if there I any snow in the forecast gonna head to New Orleans. .some jumbo Sunshine. .I don't need food just sitting across from you looking in those eyes fills me full..wanna run the desert into California. .a stop in San Antonio for a big ass steak..sunrise in New Mexico. .sunset in Arizona. .on to the coast the one..San Francisco. .little fisherman's wharf treat..Maybe a Giants game if there in town..up to Portland then across to ride cabbage hill..
Run back down through Utah. .devils slide and on to St. George one of the most beautiful places there is..Some Grand Canyon time...then on to Vegas..wanna show here the lights dropping of the 15 late at night..the glow from miles away..then back down to the 40..through the south. .down to Key West for some sun..then the last leg through the Carolinas into Virginia..That long hill on 64 over looking the Shenandoah Valley..breath taking just like you Sunshine. .then home to begin a life of happy shared dreams and miles and always the wind..Love ya mucho. .thank you for all you give..

Monday, February 18, 2013

Tamales and Beer..

Friday night full of the Dirty beer and smelly bars..must of rode home and see a lump of snoring flesh on my couch. .Damn Ernie next time ya spend the night. .well I'm just guessing the last couple hours of it leave your damn boots on..Wake up your sweet woman is gonna beat both our asses..

Now knowing breakfast is the most important meal of the day we split a 6 pack of Coors and a bag of hot porkrinds..yummy..had to hit the shop and fine tune a machine. .Ernie call Maria bro..later dude she ain't gonna say nothing..she's making tamales for a party..Hey when we finish will go and throw a big munch..hey never turned down Maria's tamales and today ain't the day to start. .

It took a couple of hours for the residual hangover to start setting in..Dude lets go grab some brews and tamales. .first lets stop at Les & Lu's for some hair of the there are some fine scooter trash bars..there some so so scooter trash bars and then there was Les & Lu' it was the first place I ever went that the roaches and the rats left voluntary. .just pack their little vermin ass off someplace else..the place had mold for a decor..never ever thought of drinking from a mugs..bartender had to trap them with a net as they were trying to leave..but my head was pounding and the hangover won..lets do it Dirty..

In the back of my alcohol soaked brain I'm thinking dude you should call home..If I remember correctly they had been married for a week or ten days..oh well give me another bartender. ..after three or four cold long necks..Dirty looks over and says Dude this sucks let ride over to upper class dive bar.I say dude ya should call home..same shit..she's making tamales she wont miss me..ok then lets roll..

Now we left my place about seven am..and hit Delbets about three pm..relax..drinks and little pool..its about. Seven pm..damn dude lets roll...we got about eighty miles to the Casa. .some gear jamming throttle twisting puts us right on the doorstep in an hour..lights on couple extra cars in the driveway..Ernie shuts down the old pan..smiles and says see bro no problem. .as we are strolling to the front door it swings open..Maria with a big smile..her sister come strolling out..where the tamales girls I am starving. .Tamales that's not till next week. ..the twins are sleeping see you boys tomorrow. .damn got any spam dirty...sucker..

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Confession of a true

Doughnut ass..didn't start out as a doughnut ass..once it was small and firm..lady's would take second glance. .jeans were made to fit..strutting like a rooster where ever it went..and one day it happened...

Started so innocently.  Hit the break room at 9am and Carlos handed me a big pink doughnuts were nothing new to me but these jewels were different. .you could see there soft tenderness..the loving glisten in there glazing. .the warm glowing tenderness flowing from there perfect shapes..size..yes it was love at first bite...

Soft sweet first date..I mean taste..she was like a tiny piece of heavily sugar coated lust. .Chocolate cake with sprinkles..oh my heart raced..mind wondering where they had been all my life..

It started slowly..up early cruising the streets searching for my lovely soft doughy first the effects were pure pleasure before work..then I found myself hunting my delights at lunch..then at dinner..Oh my the milk bill was so outrageous. .yet I couldn't stop..

One day I noticed the old hard Corbin gunslinger on the shovel growing it knew soft chewy was our goal..I mounted my new doughnut rake with loving care on her fender..touching the seat that still felt firm I wondered how it became so soft when I sat.

Days turned to sunny morning after my delights. .oh and I will never forget strawberry frosted my pants button popped..shooting across my kristpy cream box about killing some old biddy..this was the day I knew I had a problem...I need some new and bigger jeans..

Just like my lovely doughnuts..well close first a dozen became two..then three..same with jeans first one size then three...this was becoming a problem..ever price jeans..and Corbin was growing oh so soft..still hard to the touch but who am I to question such a fine seat..

Then one day it happened..the doughnut shops were closed..Fucking Santa Claus I hated you that day..the withdrawal was horrendous. .death..I wanted death..I knew then it was time for a plan..after hours of deep painful thought I decided I would buy my 6 dozen daily the day before. .oh my lovelys I missed you so..

I'm writing this so it may help others..a doughnut ass is a true burden..when you realize its happened it to late..yes your belly button is still there..but your problems are behind not gone away
its your ass..doughnuts go straight to your ass..quit brothers and sisters..while the door ways off life still open wide enough for your hips to slide through...or find a doughnut shop with a drive up window..that works too...enjoy..


Friday, February 8, 2013

Oh that smell...

Friday night..payday and the dirty one has a an idea..about the same idea every Friday but at least I know his minds still semi functional. .Hey bro ride over by my place around seven..we can go grab so brews and carnitas. .Not one to turn down either I agree..Little side trip to the Bomb Shelter after I'm sure..

The old pan and the shovel shined sweet we head to Fresno. .Pepes down town..big ass plate of refrieds and greasy carnitas..couple of cold Coors and off to the Bomb Shelter we the parking is in the rear but the only way to get there is through the we putt right through and grab a space..

Now the Bomb Shelter is one of those fine establishments..they got a stage with dancers. .never been drunk enough to throw more than a glace that way..scary..normally a few ears and eyeballs on the floor at closing time..normally 6 or 8 Fresno PD parked across street then too..never stay late..and always a fine crowd of people hanging. .we grab a table and order a brew..all the sudden the carnitas grease and refrieds rumble..Damn only one cure so as dignified as you can you let rip..

Now my sound suppressing was excellent. .but happened next was well...history. .so I sitting there little grin going when this green cloud of funk hits my nose..then it hits the dirty one..then it hits the fat bastard behind know the look..when your acting like ya don't smell it and your trying to figure out who cut the beast..well the trick to a good fart is act like it was someone else..

So the dirty one has the nasty evil right on me..I do the flick head toss towards the fat bastard..easy prey. .not so fast..he catches a deep load voice he says not me little man..if I was gonna fart it would be like this..he stands up and lets loose an earthmover..felt the table shake..damn. .About that time someone else busts one..its a war..chicks running for the doors..dudes chowing pickled eggs and draft..grunting and groaning. .rippers..wall shakers..silent but deadlys..Its was all out war..

Now if your ever lucky enough to find yourself facing a fart war..some tips and tricks..any cheap ale..broccoli. .boiled eggs..most real spicy Mexican food..will help you stand your ground..This was researched in the dirty ones garage over a period of years..If you work your combination of sound and smell you can win the war..not many dates..keep your nose up..


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Darkness. .Sunshine. .Hope

Twisted fate..that's a place that lives under the surface in all of us..Some are strong..or lucky to never see or feel its tentacles digging through you..some aren't as lucky..I played my cards and lost all..material possessions can be replaced. .happiness. ..self worth are hard to recover..didn't need drugs..didn't need a drink..lived in the past..tried to hold my strength as I slowly lost my one true love in life..
I don't know if there a guardian angel or we all have someone who watches over us..I do know I returned a text message and that was the last card left in my deck..I flipped the lucky bastard card..The last person alive that should talk to me..oh the damage done..the pain I freely gave..hello. a soft breeze passing through my raging skull..
I was in a deep dark place you can only find inside you..on this day and days to follow I was asked to dig deep into my wicked soul. .it hurts my friends knowing and facing those demons that dwell inside you..tears and rage were my and hate..releasing feelings long buried. .
You stood by me..not interfering knowing the pain you had felt..reaching out when needed..standing back when not..its a hard first lessons was learning what true love really is..
Its a long hard road. .forgiving myself may never happen. .Life grows less dark..The Sunshine in my life is much more far to ever hold..but far brighter than ever before..I know pain. .I know true love is not what we were lead to believe in life..I know one friend. .dear friend who I will always be greatful..I'm not back yet. .but moving a little farther everyday..hugs Sunshine they are all for you..and the friends who read this..thanks. ..

Like a Virgin

There are few things in life like losing your virginity. .but you lose it not only in the back seat of your moms car but in many ways through out life..Like the first time you feel that big V-Twin thumping power the lenght of your spine...

Must of been 1974 or 1975 my big ugly ass cousin came pulling into the driveway..had no seen him in a couple years..I was the first one out the door when I heard that rumble..The big man reached down and switched off the key..put his arm around me and gave me a big hug..Now at that age a man hugging me was off limits..Today its a sign a brother or sistership..we all rambled back in the house. .

About and hours later he caught me staring at that bastard hardtail..half breed pan shovel..Felt that big harry hand on my wanna it ride boy...
My heart jumped..sure..he handed me the key..never forget those pocket worn shiny Harley wings. .let show you how to start it..and walked me through the gears and brakes..told me be safe..enjoy..

Reached out and twisted that throttle just a hair..felt that vibration. .rumbling in my ear..I could see the big man smiling..I pulled the clutch and kicked it down into first. .load heart was racing..hands sweaty on the grips..slow twist and release I feel it start to move..

Lived out on country land..nothing for miles..hit the street..nervous as a virgin on prom night..twisted it back..Klack..second gear..Klack ..theirs gear..klack. .fourth body and machine melting together..heart racing..not from fear from the body and soul knowing where they belonged...I rode. .seemed like a minute was closer to an hour..

I pulled back in the driveway..knowing the big mans gonna be pissed..he come walking out of the house. .smiling...I handed him the keys..He just said ain't nothing like it is there..

My cousin Randy was killed in Viet Nam about 7 months later..we drove to Modesto for the funeral. .I cried that day..was along time till I ever really cried again..I took that bastard pan/shovel home that day in boxes. .he was rebuilding when the draft got him..enough parts to build two bikes..spent many lonely nights in the garage..with an old chiltons guide and dads tool box. .thought of Randy handing me the keys that day many time..miss ya big man