Friday, May 15, 2009

A flight of stairs and BOBs at the border..

Many years ago in a far away land,,well Texas a strange thing happened..I was working a shrimp boat out of Freeport with the psycho skipper Rudy..we both rode and both scoots had there place on the boat,,or at the fish house..We were coming in for some maintenance on the boat and had planned a road trip to Matamoros Mexico..we had done it with success before..well we came back alive or partially..

The night before we leave we were packing our gear or did I say beer when in walks Captain Scotty..Now I'm not a big fan of the jerk off but try and be cool and just act like he's not there..His claim to fame was the scene in the movie Scareface where Pacino is sneaking into the country in the hold of a shrimp boat, well it was Scotty's boat..So he rides to and the dumb ass Norwegian has to tell him what were doing so he invites himself..Your not even here how can you do that..

So around 7am we pack them up and roll south..Through Brownsville and into drunkarks paradise..Hit our favorite cantina..well the only one we knew and was open, rented a room on the top floor and went to parting..Now tequila has always been something that I can handle, well the first three or so anyway..after about 107 shots..I guessing things got blurry..DRS..Don't remember Shit until sometime the next afternoon when I awaken in a fog with the shovelhead sitting at the end of the bed and a couple of dark eyed cuties lounging around the room..I could still feel the hairy legs of the tequila worm moving around my mouth, well I was hoping that's what is was..I set out the front door it get some air and about fell down the steepest stair case ever build,,it looked like it could fall at any way the shovel could have got up in the room..well two but I had left my magic lamp at home that day..So guess a couple of shot of courage and some corona's were needed for the next silly stunt..It was one for the books believe me..The two captains were at the bar when I rolled in, pissed of and ready to roll..Were the hell was I?? That might explain the ride up the stairs..OK let's go..

We roll out and I am bringing up the rear I notice Cap. Scotty's bags are about to explode..Not my problem..I thought..we hit the crossing and happen to find the only Boarder Patrol agent who had neither got laid or bribed that day and he pulls us in..Pat down, have you been we went down for mass..So he starts looking into Cap. Scotty's saddle bags..I hear a giggle then an aw fuck..I'm thinking at this point it can't be good..He pulls out the first on many BOBS..or battery operated boyfriends..and he just keeps pulling them out and standing them beside the bikes, along the road in plain view for god and the rest of the world..

Now I can handle some shit without turning red..but as the nice agent began enjoying his job I wanted to first kill Scotty' Second mame Scotty..Thrird kill Scotty and Rudy,,who was at first in shock as I could see, then like myself looking for a place to hide..So after Mr. Agent finishes unpacking what seemed to be 100 of the things and the rest of his brethren had made there way to the spectacle he turns and asks..Do these dildos belong to all of you,,do you share..laughing rather loudly at the time followed by a chorus of hyenas..Then it was would you fellows mind opening them up for inspection..that was it,,I was done..Not mine and I ain't playing this game anymore..well the joke was over..they let lose one last laugh at our expense and told us to take our toys and go home..

Well if there was a finally, I missed it..I fired the shovel up and down the road I went..Give me tickets, lock me up just get outa here..

Scott tried to explain himself I few days later..all I could say was hey dude go fuck are equipped to do so..



Pug said...

damm that's one of the funniest things i've ever read , i reackon wot makes it funnier is knowing you where there an not me

ratone said...

Hey,,I wish I wasn't there when it happened but I can laugh about it today..I was talking with Capt. Rudy last night and he brought this up..Got to belly laughing about it..One of of lifes little adventures..I wish someone could tell me what went on in the hotel room..That's the one that got me..

Lady Ridesalot said...

I still am amazed you got the bike BACK down the stairs! LOL!

Maybe Capt. Scotty was just getting a head start on Christmas shopping... or something!!

Funny story... one for the books, that's for sure!

chessie said...

I'm with you Lady...back down the stairs while the head is still woozy from all the fun! I mean damn boy...

MMM well Capt. Scotty... welll... ummm... some things are best left to the imagination aren't they? Or left forgotten...wonder if he likes small rodents too?

ratone said...

If it wasn't for a fuzzy mind I might still be in the little room up the stairs..

Rudy told me Scotty sold his boat a few years ago and retired..I would guess he now owns a toy store..Damn..