Friday, January 21, 2011

why are we not MOVING??!!!!

I roll out of the lot and head down the street - reverse commute, homeward bound
there's a car or two ahead and I'm wondering how long the wait might be to make that right - turns out there's little if any traffic - the outdoor temp is 3 and it's more than a bit windy so my wait should be minimal
a jumbo sized SUV eases out of the White Castle lot, directly in front of me
I give it no thought -
I glance left and there's nary a vehicle to be seen so I'm ready to continue the commute - start it, actually - but
the SUV hasn't budged - not even a bit and it's straddling both lanes - that being the left turn and the right turn
I sit for a sec or so and wonder - "what the fuck???" - but I'm still in a chill kinda mode
traffic picks up a bit and then clears and there I still sit - so - I pop the horn - just a quickie tap - no response from up front so I tap it a pair of times
and I get a wave around
now from where I'm sitting there's no around - both friggin' lanes are blocked so I sit for another little bit - which wasn't really long and decide
gonna step out and get his/her attention and ask if they'll move
a sharp rap on the roof - a bit of a glare - maybe a somewhat stern "MOVE!!!"
and I'll be on my way
I stepped out - clad mostly in black except for the goats that faithfully warm my hands from the cold - black boots, pants, hoodie, jacket and - because it's more than a bit windy - raybans - even though it is a chunk past 6 in the p.m. dark
got a sinus thingie that's been buggin' me and the glasses block the wind - they're a nice effect too
I wander up front and what to my wondering eyes did appear but a massive, hulking, fill this jumbo SUV and then some momma and she's sorting through bags and bags of food - arranging her "this oughtta hold me til I get home" feast - she had enough layed out to feed a family of 6 - DAMN!!!!
I watched for a sec and just as she almost had everything where she wanted - I smacked that top
pure friggin' panic set in and I swear she shit - her head snapped my way - eyes filled with "HOLY FUCK!!!" - she caught sight of me and what followed was friggin' priceless - food, every bit of it, flew everywhere - nary a spot in that mega-mobile was free of it - and that massive shake she was sippin' just launched - she slammed that thing into gear and BAM!!! - gone
I walked back to the car - put it in gear and FINALLY continued on my way - wearin' just a bit of a smile - which warmed me nicely
I did wonder for just a sec how she'll ever clean that shake from the headliner - but
only for a sec

1 comment:

FLHX_Dave said...

You are an ass-a-hole my friend...I really loved reading this. I'm laughing my ass off...can't stop...must stop! bwahahahahahah.

She had it coming...the sweet spot is when summer comes around, the inside of that cage is going to smell like a rancid dairy farm.

Can't anyone just drive the damned car anymore? Hey! Maybe you just saved her life! She isn't going to touch a bite of food for awhile now...she is gonna' lose a ton of weight.