Wednesday, February 2, 2011

how to

Shovel Snow
for those of you that have never been "blessed" by the "dig out or die"
experience
this is a mini tutorial
Step 1 - this is the most important step - if you do not do as I say - well, you best do this first - just sayin'
Before the shit hits - bring a shovel inside - if you wait until after the shit hits - well, you just didn't read Step 1
Step 2 - once the shit has hit AND settled down at least a bit - grab your shovel and STEP OUTSIDE!!!
common sense tells you to do this but I hadda add this for the harley guys
Step 3 - once outside you will notice a MASSIVE accumulation of white "stuff" - that is snow - see what you can see - if you can almost make out where your car might be then it ain't too bad
if'n all you can see is white - fuck it, grab your cell - dial a pro and tell her to bring a shovel - if'n she makes it to the door then - and only then - negotiate price - if'n she ain't to your liking - no biggie and your walk might almost be clean - shouldda thought of this one earlier - but
Step 4 - if you are about to shovel then have yourself a looksee in regards to where you'll be piling the snow - REMEMBER - it may only be 3 or 4 feet deep but when shoveled the pile - which will extend from where you began to where you finally conceded defeat will be over your friggin' head so - plan where the snow will go
there might be a whole bunch more steps but I haven't gotten there yet
and for those of you that did not bring the shovel in before the shit hit
y'all gotta be harley guys so - do what comes natural
grab you a big ole mug of frappywhippedshit - assume the "pose" and
should any roll by wonderin' why you ain't cleanin' what Mother Nature dumped - simply tell em what they already knew
"shovel's in the shop, gettin' new bling installed - gettin' it back in maybe 6 weeks"

3 comments:

Willy D said...

Loved the punch line; “Shovel’s in the shop”. Har! Har! Har!

Reminds me of 25 years on the east coast. Screw that!

ratone said...

Damn about 65 here this afternoon..shovels running like dream Hondodo boy...just wondering if your bitching or whining,,might need to send you some cheese..let me go jump on that shovel ride to the cheese store for you..don't let me stop your shoveling,,,ever wonder what it would be like to ride all year...I am gonna tell ya..LOL

Rhonda said...

Comment from the 'she' that suffers from the snow regularly: if you like the 'bling' buy a friggin snow blower and have the deed done, likety split...forget the shovel...that's an old Harley meant for the garage and not the snow.