One Leg a Plate an lots of Cops

way back in 84 this happened............

so i still had this left leg that wasn't set 100% right but i could walk in a fashion the big metal plate was doing its job holding it togther and at least unlike my arm it never clicked .

out on my little 250 yam one night round the back of bumfucksville or Heston just heading home and i got erm lost..........so as i'm come round this sharp bend i spot the "Hump Back Bridge" then the single lan lights change to green so now i know nothing is gonna meet me halfway over the narrow hump back bridge .

like a twatt i clog the bike down a gear and accelerate figuring it'll be like my local hump bridge i jump over , well yer it was except for 2 things 1) it was way steeper and 2) i'd never jumped that bridge before.

wow this bike it getting great air ........oh shit.........at the end of the bridge was a Sharp right hand turn and a 8ft solid brick wall i had time to say fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...........then the front wheel hit the wall i hit the wall and me and the bike cartwheeled though this garden well i stopped the bike didn't and caried on end over end though a greenhouse then though a set of gable gates finally resting upside down engine still running .

well i tried to get up but me leg hurt rather a lot me shoulder was broken , leg felt solid i guess the plate helped there .

10 mins or so later the house owner appeared he was drunk on home made wine askes me is i was ok then his little  5ft 2" wife appeared all grey haired , soeber but looking really pissed off "look at my Fucking gates! she screamed" 

somehow i stumbled into there house they called the police an ambulance , in a short while i heard the doorbell ring some muffled voices and someone grabbed me by me busted left shoulder from behind now that fucking hurt , without thinking i yell "Fuck Off" turn round and its a Women Police officer ,Opps !!! the littlegrey haired woman starts yelling an her ol man carries on drinking . after a fashion things calm down when the amulance crew arrive and examine me , during that i explain that the WPC had grabbed me by my now broken left shoulder and thats why i yelled at her  as i didn't know who did it and it hurt ,she was ok with that her brave male Cop wanted to charge me but it got sorted out and i walked into the Ambulance after promising the fearsome grey haired lady i'd pay for her fucking gates.

So the ambulance drives to the Hozzie pulls up and the attendtant says lets go into the Casualty so you can see a Doctor me "erm i dunno why mate i can't walk summit feels weird !) ok so he gets a wheelchair and i wait a few hours to see a Doc , finally i go to X-ray they take 2pics of me shoulder an one of me leg . Shoulder pic shows a clean break , leg pic erm fuck all coz its a top down pic it shows the big metal plate ? but nowt else i know me leg don't feel right anyway the asshole foriegn Doc says we'll put yer arm in a sling yer legs just bruised you can go home and come back to the fracture Clinic in a few days .

it's like 1 am by then i've got no transport an no money and to make matters even more intresting i can't remeber where i live ! . Well i had only moved there 2 weeks previous i did remember there was a church on the corner and the District i lived in so they rung the Police when they turn up thank fuck it ain't the same two as before . i explain the situation they ring the local station in the district i live in give em a desciption of the church and my front door 

3 am nope they can't find it have you got any family who can collect you me "nope" no way was i ringin me mum at 3 am or my brother they would've gone mental so they decide to let me sleep on the Gurney in the corner out of harms way , except i can't sleep as my leg is throbbing and the a pain level is increasing by the minite . 

7 am shift change i've been on the Gurney yelling my head off for the last couple of hours so anutha Doc appears and asks me wots up "Pain mate i've had no meds and my leg feels like its being hit with a hammer " so he looks at the shit X-ray decides he can't see nothing aswell and orders more pics 

3 pics later and the nurses an Doc are suddenley doing the headless chicken routine they sling a drip in me Arm pump me full of pain meds and admit me . Doc comes over, me "wots up ?" he shows me the X-rays side view is erm intresting in the crash it seems my leg must've hit summit solid (turns out it was the handlebars somehow) the plate in me leg is now bent and the impact has actually snapped the heads off 3 of the surgical screws !!!...............me "oh fuck anutha Operation i suppose" 

Next they take me up to the fracture Ward i get more Drugs nuthin hurts anymore so i decide to ring me Brother up to collect some money and smokes and find out about the bike me "Barrie erm i've had a accident and bust me leg and shoulder" him "where the fuck are you this time"so after a chat he hangs up .

90 mins later he appears at the hozzie me "blimey you where quick" him yer i would've been here sooner but i got stopped by the Cops on the way over

some days eh...................