Confession of a true

Doughnut ass..didn't start out as a doughnut ass..once it was small and firm..lady's would take second glance. .jeans were made to fit..strutting like a rooster where ever it went..and one day it happened...

Started so innocently.  Hit the break room at 9am and Carlos handed me a big pink box..now doughnuts were nothing new to me but these jewels were different. .you could see there soft tenderness..the loving glisten in there glazing. .the warm glowing tenderness flowing from there perfect shapes..size..yes it was love at first bite...

Soft sweet glazed..my first date..I mean taste..she was like a tiny piece of heavily sugar coated lust. .Chocolate cake with sprinkles..oh my heart raced..mind wondering where they had been all my life..

It started slowly..up early cruising the streets searching for my lovely soft doughy dreams..at first the effects were pure pleasure before work..then I found myself hunting my delights at lunch..then at dinner..Oh my the milk bill was so outrageous. .yet I couldn't stop..

One day I noticed the old hard Corbin gunslinger on the shovel growing softer..like it knew soft chewy was our goal..I mounted my new doughnut rake with loving care on her fender..touching the seat that still felt firm I wondered how it became so soft when I sat.

Days turned to weeks..one sunny morning after my delights. .oh and I will never forget strawberry frosted my pants button popped..shooting across my kristpy cream box about killing some old biddy..this was the day I knew I had a problem...I need some new and bigger jeans..

Just like my lovely doughnuts..well close first a dozen became two..then three..same with jeans first one size then three...this was becoming a problem..ever price jeans..and Corbin was growing oh so soft..still hard to the touch but who am I to question such a fine seat..

Then one day it happened..the doughnut shops were closed..Fucking Santa Claus I hated you that day..the withdrawal was horrendous. .death..I wanted death..I knew then it was time for a plan..after hours of deep painful thought I decided I would buy my 6 dozen daily the day before. .oh my lovelys I missed you so..

I'm writing this so it may help others..a doughnut ass is a true burden..when you realize its happened it to late..yes your belly button is still there..but your problems are behind you..no not gone away
its your ass..doughnuts go straight to your ass..quit brothers and sisters..while the door ways off life still open wide enough for your hips to slide through...or find a doughnut shop with a drive up window..that works too...enjoy..

Rat

Oh that smell...

Friday night..payday and the dirty one has a an idea..about the same idea every Friday but at least I know his minds still semi functional. .Hey bro ride over by my place around seven..we can go grab so brews and carnitas. .Not one to turn down either I agree..Little side trip to the Bomb Shelter after I'm sure..

The old pan and the shovel shined sweet we head to Fresno. .Pepes down town..big ass plate of refrieds and greasy carnitas..couple of cold Coors and off to the Bomb Shelter we head..now the parking is in the rear but the only way to get there is through the bar..so we putt right through and grab a space..

Now the Bomb Shelter is one of those fine establishments..they got a stage with dancers. .never been drunk enough to throw more than a glace that way..scary..normally a few ears and eyeballs on the floor at closing time..normally 6 or 8 Fresno PD parked across street then too..never stay late..and always a fine crowd of people hanging. .we grab a table and order a brew..all the sudden the carnitas grease and refrieds rumble..Damn only one cure so as dignified as you can you let rip..

Now my sound suppressing was excellent. .but happened next was well...history. .so I sitting there little grin going when this green cloud of funk hits my nose..then it hits the dirty one..then it hits the fat bastard behind me..you know the look..when your acting like ya don't smell it and your trying to figure out who cut the beast..well the trick to a good fart is act like it was someone else..

So the dirty one has the nasty evil right on me..I do the flick head toss towards the fat bastard..easy prey. .not so fast..he catches it..in a deep load voice he says not me little man..if I was gonna fart it would be like this..he stands up and lets loose an earthmover..felt the table shake..damn. .About that time someone else busts one..its a war..chicks running for the doors..dudes chowing pickled eggs and draft..grunting and groaning. .rippers..wall shakers..silent but deadlys..Its was all out war..

Now if your ever lucky enough to find yourself facing a fart war..some tips and tricks..any cheap ale..broccoli. .boiled eggs..most real spicy Mexican food..will help you stand your ground..This was researched in the dirty ones garage over a period of years..If you work your combination of sound and smell you can win the war..not many dates..keep your nose up..

Rat

Darkness. .Sunshine. .Hope

Twisted fate..that's a place that lives under the surface in all of us..Some are strong..or lucky to never see or feel its tentacles digging through you..some aren't as lucky..I played my cards and lost all..material possessions can be replaced. .freinds..family. .love..joy. .happiness. ..self worth are hard to recover..didn't need drugs..didn't need a drink..lived in the past..tried to hold on..show my strength as I slowly lost my dignity..pride...my one true love in life..
I don't know if there a guardian angel or we all have someone who watches over us..I do know I returned a text message and that was the last card left in my deck..I flipped the lucky bastard card..The last person alive that should talk to me..oh the damage done..the pain I freely gave..hello. ..like a soft breeze passing through my raging skull..
I was in a deep dark place you can only find inside you..on this day and days to follow I was asked to dig deep into my wicked soul. .it hurts my friends knowing and facing those demons that dwell inside you..tears and rage were my menu..love and hate..releasing feelings long buried. .
You stood by me..not interfering knowing the pain you had felt..reaching out when needed..standing back when not..its a hard process..my first lessons was learning what true love really is..
Its a long hard road. .forgiving myself may never happen. .Life grows less dark..The Sunshine in my life is much more distant..to far to ever hold..but far brighter than ever before..I know pain. .I know true love is not what we were lead to believe in life..I know one friend. .dear friend who I will always be greatful..I'm not back yet. .but moving a little farther everyday..hugs Sunshine they are all for you..and the friends who read this..thanks. ..

Like a Virgin

There are few things in life like losing your virginity. .but you lose it not only in the back seat of your moms car but in many ways through out life..Like the first time you feel that big V-Twin thumping power the lenght of your spine...

Must of been 1974 or 1975 my big ugly ass cousin came pulling into the driveway..had no seen him in a couple years..I was the first one out the door when I heard that rumble..The big man reached down and switched off the key..put his arm around me and gave me a big hug..Now at that age a man hugging me was off limits..Today its a sign a brother or sistership..we all rambled back in the house. .

About and hours later he caught me staring at that bastard hardtail..half breed pan shovel..Felt that big harry hand on my shoulder..you wanna it ride boy...
My heart jumped..sure..he handed me the key..never forget those pocket worn shiny Harley wings. .let show you how to start it..and walked me through the gears and brakes..told me be safe..enjoy..

Reached out and twisted that throttle just a hair..felt that vibration. .rumbling in my ear..I could see the big man smiling..I pulled the clutch and kicked it down into first. .load klack..my heart was racing..hands sweaty on the grips..slow twist and release I feel it start to move..

Lived out on country roads..farm land..nothing for miles..hit the street..nervous as a virgin on prom night..twisted it back..Klack..second gear..Klack ..theirs gear..klack. .fourth gear..my body and machine melting together..heart racing..not from fear from the thrill...my body and soul knowing where they belonged...I rode. .seemed like a minute was closer to an hour..

I pulled back in the driveway..knowing the big mans gonna be pissed..he come walking out of the house. .smiling...I handed him the keys..He just said ain't nothing like it is there..

My cousin Randy was killed in Viet Nam about 7 months later..we drove to Modesto for the funeral. .I cried that day..was along time till I ever really cried again..I took that bastard pan/shovel home that day in boxes. .he was rebuilding when the draft got him..enough parts to build two bikes..spent many lonely nights in the garage..with an old chiltons guide and dads tool box. .thought of Randy handing me the keys that day many time..miss ya big man

The rat the weasel and the toad..a truck stop love story..

Been awhile so bear with me..no there are no bears in the story..a rat, a weasel and a toad..bit role by a lizard..now the toad is only here to keep the flies from snatching this story before its posted..toads don't say much anyway..Here goes..enjoy..
Rat been pounding gears and fighting snow for 10 hours time to stop..remembered that little sleazy truck stop outside Butt Montana. .I know missing an E..ever been to Butt in January its butt cold..no E this time..Now the rat being highly skilled and over trained in the art of truck wrestling pulls the big peterbuilt into the lot..ya got a new petrrbuilt..not many people can say that. .damn dirty minds..picks him out a spot to back her into..well 3 hours later, much unsavory language and a couple of broken mirrors later it done and parked..Don't sweat it he cheats his log books.time just disappears. .
So sitting back doing paperwork he here this light tap, tap, tap on the truck..looks down see a lizard standing there..the infectious type..Lot Lizard..Rats a kind man and had noticed a weasel parked next to him so least he can do is point the Lizard in the right direction as he rolls down the window he hears the familiar Honey do you need..now the rat stops her mid sentence. .lady..lizard what ever you might be sorry but got a full jar of vasaline right in the back..but there is a weasel parked right next to me..might try there..didn't have to mention don't date outside my species. .
Rat hears that gentle knock. .Lizard in..good that might keep the weasel quit..can't trust a damn weasel no way..keep them flies out here mister toad..
The next morning through the butt freezing snow rat heads in for coffee. .low and behold there stands the weasel...sad weasel..Rat feels consoling this morning and asked hey brother what's up..The weasel looks up and hacks a few times..hangs his head and says he been robbed and given the flu..did ya see that lizard around my truck last night..rat has to plead the 5th with a smile..buy ya cup ya weasel..
Moral of this story is Rats always figure out how to be self sufficient. .always need to know where your weasel is..toads saved the flies from stealing this tale.. Been a long rough and tumble one..gonna leave it at that..found out we have a guardian angel...when they whack you with the club pay close attention..thank you..this one was all you..the Rat

You would have never thought..

So the heat of the political season is upon us..I have given up..Drawn the conclusion that the only winners are the politicians..Mitt is not a conservative,,in fact he is a lighter skinned Nobama..Been buying votes since 1994 and gonna buy a chance to be president this time from the looks of things..Failed governor..Keeps his cash off shore..can't beat his opponents but can out spend them..10 to 1..Could be the anti-Christ..Didn't I say this the last time through..so I quit..I'm tossing in the towel and will vote for any independent just to keep my bitching rights active..

Really...this is not an April fools joke..we have to many fools in this country to begin with..I see no difference in either Mister Buy the Job..or Mister I can't do the job..Status Quo gets you farther in the hole..When a politician backs a politicians grab you KY Jelly...it's gonna hurt..

So I guess I'm gonna have to start penning new topics again..maybe some bike stuff,,,end of the world stuff..nuclear violation of the earth..Maybe chase some air Nazis.Maybe start telling stories...So the top ten reasons to vote for Mitt..

1. Nice hair
2. Bad Jeans
3. Doesn't mind you having multiple wives
4. Wont leave watermelon seeds and chicken bones laying around the white house..
5. Likes firing people..
6. Knows where to hide money from the IRS
7. Father was a successful illegal alien
8. Wont have mariachi bands in the rose garden
9. Clueless about the real world..
10. Will change his mind and underwear daily

 

I know the picture doesn't fit..but I was dreaming of Oz when I scribbled this garbage..

Leaving Barfstow

Been over a year in this burg..Grown a deep dislike for it..Time to move on..Barstow has it's good points..so does hell I guess..but here they go..

1. No matter what time you go to Walmart you can get fresh pictures for the people of Walmart weekly photo shoot..
2. You can wear your superman pajamas 24/7 it's the dress code..
3. Dumpster divers have a union..
4. Avoiding the bad parts of town is a breeze..Stay on Intestate 15 till the next town..
5. You can eat anyplace..all the food tastes the same..Bad
6. It's easy to score drugs..
7. Rank #1 toothless town west of the Mississippi..
8. Tattoos are cheap..Liquor stores are on every corner..
9. No matter what you need no place will have it..
10. There is so much jet fuel in the water smoking on the toilet has been banned..a life saver..

So moving on..I hope after reading this you feel my pain..if you do stop smoking what ever it is your smoking..Moving in to trucking..bad eyes don't matter as much when your handling 80000 pounds of truck..Of course it will never replace riding by feel..Never matter much in Barfstow by the way..If you were on a smooth road you knew you were riding in the dirt..

So adios you rotten, stinking dump..Gonna miss dealing with our troops,,they are a shining light..proud to have worked with and been part of what you ladies and gentlemen do and are doing to protect our freedoms..Stay safe my friends..Look out Toto..me and the boys are heading your way..

Rat..

Amazing Disgrace

Up early, Fox news and coffee overload..Seems are troops in Afghanistan burnt a Koran..Now the natives are pissed..So ignoring the first wenches food warning I break out my whole milk and a couple of chocolate fudge pop tarts and sit down to watch..Holy books have been used for years by prisoners to pass notes..nothing new up to the point we burned them..whoops..We also saved these idiots from Tierney..Gave our lives and poured billions of our dollars to help them live better lives..In return one of the Afgan soldiers we trained murdered in cold blood two of our hero's..

No what came out of the commentators mouth almost made me toss my tarts..The leader of our country issued an apology..Now not once but twice in two days..Nothing about the troops who died..Only how sorry he is about the burning of the Koran..An American president who would apologize to any nation after all we the American people have sacrificed for the people and nation of Afghanistan deserves to be tried for treason..We need to pull our troops and reduce our nuclear arsenal by turning the county into a glowing green uninhabitable pile of radio active dust..Let's do Iran to before it happens again..

God Bless America...Keep our people and our troops safe...Ride free..Rat...

Good Bye America...we have been sold out...

High hopes someone would step up..fill the void our great country needs to recover it's dignity..Three years of nothing other than give a ways and apology tours..Mariachi concerts compardre czars and crushing of our Constitution...our way of life..Half of our country receives federal aid of some sort..those who deserve it can't get it..Entitlements equal voters,  dividing our nation is a goal..The setting president has played the race card..waived it in our faces and laughed..We the sheepeole ..to dumb to feed ourselves need to have our diets, our lifestyles and our minds controlled by the morons who rule..Churches now must break doctrine to comply..Buddies receive billions in bailout and we the people don't rate a small amount of Vaseline as we are slowly screwed..If our president were white and right wing we would be watching impeachment hearings under the laws of treason in the first degree..

So now the grand old party sends us their answers to the problem..We have Mitt Romney trying to buy the White House once again..Listen to the Rat for a minute..This is the right wing anti-Christ..He hides behind his super pacs and slanders his opponents..he can't run on his record just like our sitting president..in fact they are way more alike than they are different..His future plans are little or no change in what we have today..His buddies are our sitting presidents buddies..be damn careful here..

The Newt..Brilliant man if he he could stop sticking his dick in the fan every time the feel good feeling hits..Washington insiders hate his idea's they trample that feel good feeling that has put us on the edge of ruin.. Question is will at some point in the campaign can he keep his pants zipped long enough to make his point..

The Sanatorum machine..The guys solid..background is good..can he get the hoards to overlook his convictions..I don't agree with some of them but respect his solid footing and not wavering from his beliefs and moral values..Imagine have moral and social values in our country..Boy's got a tough row to hoe..getting millions of Romney bucks tossed at him..good luck Rick..

Ron Paul...got to love him..would want him as president but would love to BBQ with him..

Rosanne Barr...Green Party..hey can't be worse..LOL...

Rats doing OK..ride on Brothers and Sisters..God Bless America...  

Sunsets on 2011...about time...

Ever hear the saying having on of those days well 2011 was one of those years..Without all the gory details it other than my sunshine sucked..Health, wealth and what is left of sanity suffered thoroughly..Couldn't ride and that makes writing a riding blog tough..Politics fire me for a short time then the reality of my beliefs won the battle ..Missed writing to you all...missed a lot of simple things not because I couldn't do them because it was more convenient not too...New life and a new lief this year..it is a battle but I'm gonna win..fight through it..May never be able to dazzle you with the old brilliance but will do my best to continue to baffle you with bullshit..Thoughts from within..some true even..

Does anyone believe drug companies will ever truly strive to cure any disease..Stop and think about what would happen if the cured cancer..not how they do it today..you take a pill and it's gone..any disease or illness that makes them billions of dollars and supports 1/6 of the worlds economy..food for thought..

Politics...got into it..got worn from it..We have the worst of the worst running the country ..Today my support is going to be with who ever runs against him..Our country is in shambles..we have a senate and a congress who play election politics with our lives..our lively hoods..our country is broken beyond anything we can imagine..The poor who live off our daily sweat live far better than we do..ever get behind a food stamper while your buying just enough to survive..watch them as they have the best of the best..while your chewing hotdogs..We have lost the basic pretense of the American dream..get off your mother fucking lazy ass and get a job..Give the missing in action worthless Campaigner in Chief 4 more and watch our life as we know it disappear..it's so close to gone today you can reach out and touch it,,see it in the faces of those who work hard to survive..those who do what must be done to live in what's left of the American dream..Bring it back my friends,,,be heard,,be load,,be proud... Be America once again..Be heard my friends...